lowest moment of my life...

Just wednesday evening around 8 pm, after i had my dinner, i felt pain in my lower abdomen, went out to our room as i thought it will relieve by lying in bed, but the pain gets so intense and for just a couple of hours it became excruciating pain and when i sat up in the bed i felt gush of blood with a big tissue on it, my husband brought me to the nearest hospital right then with no bra under my shirt and just wearing my pajamas with alittle blood on it, yikes, i felt sooo yuckky....oh i just cant describe the pain, i cant barely walk, no matter how i tried to reposition myself just to ease the pain but nothing else i can do but to cry and squeezed my husband's hand, while waiting for the doctor in er, i had heavy bleeding with big blood clot, and around 4 am the doctor came and examined me and he said that there's a tissue in the blood clots, and then he said i had a miscarriage as my cervix is open already, my God that word really hit me so bad, even painful than the pain that i'm going through at that time, so thankful wiht the morphine that doctor injected on me though, that really eased the pain, but gosh that word is really shocking to us, both my husband and i, my gosh i just cant believe it. Around 2:30 pm, i had an ultrasound just to make sure if i had a miscarriage or not and to make sure too if there's still tissue left in my uterus, but so sad to say, the nurse cant see anything during the ultrasound, no baby anymore and no tissue left too....gosh, i felt no hope there, i just cant believe i dont have my little angel inside me now, i cried so hard, its a devastating news for both my husband and i....but my husband is so supportive of me, he was strong and tried to explain to me at that moment that its not our time yet to have a baby this time.

after the ultrasound, while waiting for the doctor at the lobby, the nurse who took care of me while i was in er, she came to us and really touched our heart, she expelained to us that probably its a will of God, she said she's working with special children, she said to us that the baby or the fetus might have a problem already thats why God didnt allow that to continue and she said we have little angel in heaven watching over us now. That nurse really a blessing to us, because i kept on asking myself and my husband what went wrong as i am so careful with my pregnancy, but because of what she told us, it really enlightened our heart and our mind.

Its just awkward now that the signs and symptoms of pregnancy like the tenderness of my breast, and frequent urination are suddenly gone now. I've been so careful with my pregnancy, our family doctor was shocked as i am 2 months pregnant already and he said that the percentage of miscarriage in that period of pregnancy are just 25%....oh well, i am included in that 25% though, so unlucky for me. But i believe in what the nurse told us, its not our time yet, probably the fetus or the embryo (as its still 8 weeks though) has problems already. It's true i guess, as i had bleeding for more than a week already and around 4 days after i start my blood spotting as it should be, it seems my bleeding gets heavier everyday until last wednesday night, i suspected unusual there. Oh well, God has other plan for us, i know there's always a reason for this. God will give us something that we can handle. Its just so sad for my family though, especially to my parents, they are so excited with the baby as its their first grandchild. Well, there's always next time, my husband and i wont stop to give them a healthy grandchild, in God's will.

I am so thankful with my husband as he is so supportive of me, he stands strong for us, he never lost hope. He holds and hugged me wholeday and really took care of me, that insident, it makes us stronger and realized how important our life together. I'm thankful too that my husband is on vacation right now for a month, i wont be alone at home then, it will be easier for me as i'm still recovering right now.

God work in mysterious ways, He knows whats best for us. For 2 months being pregnant, its been a wonderful feeling, everyday is truly a miracle for me. There's always next time, and for sure God will give us a pretty healthy baby next time, who knows a twin maybe.